A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
