Ambien. No doubt about it.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
