I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
