I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
