thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
