Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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