you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
