Duck Duck Cougar?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
