Betty ford says i'm here all night
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
