so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
