It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
