just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
