this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
