She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You did what with his pubic hair?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
