How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
