I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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