so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
