I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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