You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
