He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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