Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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