So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
