How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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