You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
