Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
