I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
