we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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