I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
