he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
