Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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