So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
