I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
