You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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