aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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