dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
