i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
