I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
