at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
