I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
