For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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