i was born a porn star she said
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
