I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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