I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
