Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
