My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
