for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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