when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
