she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
