I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
