Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
