This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
