Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
