I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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