Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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