Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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